13 June 2016
Losing My Voice
I think I've lost my voice.
I try to think of what I want to write about, and nothing feels safe. There's so much evil, and everyone seems to want to talk about the hate, and the ugliness, and whose fault it is, and why anyone who doesn't agree with them is wrong and terrible.
It drains me. The evil just makes me sad, not argumentative.
I quit watching the news literally decades ago. It was too much for me to see all the bad in the world, and that is what the news usually specialized in. So I stopped.
Now all the news invades my timeline and drains me after just an hour of being involved in the world. I have nowhere left to hide. I feel like I've shut down to stop it all from getting in.
I don't want to watch people argue, and name-call, and finger-point. Even more frightening - I don't want someone to think I'm arguing, or name-calling, or finger-pointing.
It's happened to me already. What I thought was a totally benign statement has cost me half my family. I can't afford to do any more damage.
No one can hear me anymore, because my words are not important enough for the potential for conflict and loss. I just can't anymore.
I'm afraid to write about anything, at risk of hurting my friends and family. I'm shutting down.