I'm feeling exceptionally crappy lately. I try to focus on my blessings, but the list seems to start and end at Maggie some days. Her latest saying is, "I'll do everything to hurt you. I promise," (with the emphasis on the P and R in promise). I think I'm the only one who doesn't correct her, because I just love the sincerity as she delivers words that (hopefully!) are the opposite of what she means to say. Kinda funny in a sad way that these words are the bright spot in some of my days, because she's so darn adorable saying them.
Business is going great, but 'great' in my business doesn't really measure up to some fancy career thing. I suppose it could if I wanted that much from it, but I don't. I thought I'd love the recognition and the sense of accomplishment, but they're kind of hollow compared to other people's achievements. I start feeling a little too 'cute' with my nice little business. Like people make fun of me after I leave the room.
I guess my whole life is starting to feel little. Some of it's necessary. Things don't move fast with an almost-three-year-old in tow at all times. And I honestly love that. But will I ever be accepted and appreciated by the grown-ups again? Or did I ever deserve it anyway?
I know I should sit down and list out all the great things in my life, but every time I battle with depression, that list makes it worse. I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for, and I still get down in the dumps. It makes me feel like an even worse person than if I was depressed and at least had a legitimately lousy life. It's an endless cycle, and I just want to see the end of it someday.