I keep opening up this 'compose' window, and closing it down again. I feel like I should have plenty to say, but I want it to be happier than I feel. I'm working so hard and running myself ragged because I want my world to be a better place. Spewing the ookiness I've been feeling lately would be completely against my purposes. I even know the reasonings and history for a lot of my crankiness, but repeating it would just make you sad too. And I don't want your pity, so I'll just wait for the wonkys to pass. So my mission now is just to remember that they will pass. They always have before, and they will again.
I considered writing a post of things I'm grateful for, to give a brighter impression of myself and my outlook. But then I remembered how very frustrating that ends up being. I know I've got it good. I'm blessed, and my life is at least above average. There are a lot of people who don't have it as good as I do. Listing all the reasons for that makes me feel worse, not better. How bad of a person am I, if I have all these great things/people/ideas going for me and I'm still not happy? It backfires on me pretty consistently.
Instead, I'm taking this time to be easy on me. I have a lot to do, and can't really let up on that sort of pressure, but I'm drinking my Cherry Coke, eating my Better Made White Cheddar Popcorn and chocolate (but not together), and listening to whatever music soothes my soul at any given moment. I can't actually rest, but I can try to make myself more comfortable in some ways while I continue working my fingers to the bone, instead of being able to focus on cheering up.