07 May 2008
Thursday Thirteen - Tenth Edition
Today's suggested theme is 'gross,' as in any definition of gross. It could be a quantity, or it could be - you know - grody.
So I bring you - Thirteen Gross Things about Being Pregnant and/or a Mom (with no insult intended toward my adorable nine and a half month old daughter, of course). After much thought, I've decided to go in chronological order of first occurence. Some of these are indeed pretty gross, and I don't blame you for just skimming over them if you need to. ;)
1. Peeing in a cup - Most of you already know, once you find out you're pregnant, people are always asking you to pee in a cup. You find yourself in medical offices with increasing frequency, and they all have vampires...who drink your urine. Thankfully the task of getting the pee in the cup gets easier over time, but in the beginning, you end up peeing on your hands. A lot. Or at least I did.
2. Urinary issues - Hopefully you remember when we all celebrated the Kegel Karnival? Luckily I never have actually had leaky problems, but just the thought of them, especially early in a journey of pregnancy, is gross and horrifying. And if you want to add on a gross side effect of frequent urination late in pregnancy, how about all the public restrooms you wish you'd never had to see? Definitely some grossness there.
3. My breasts - Partway through pregnancy, my breasts took on a life of their own. They got way too big, and hubby wasn't allowed to appreciate this fact. If he looked at them initially, it made them hurt. Then near the end of pregnancy, they started to leak. Yeah, real pleasant. They still don't look so good, but now it's because they usually resemble deflated balloons.
4. Childbirth - If you haven't yet given birth, but plan to someday, you should probably skip this one and the next one. Just sayin. For being a beautiful thing, no doubt about it, childbirth is disgusting. Despite what my midwife, doula and husband told me, I know I pooped on the floor. Yup, sure did. There was general yuckiness oozing from my body for the whole 33 hours of labor.
5. The placenta - Yes, it sustained my beautiful baby. But when you're holding the baby, the last thing you actually want to do is squeeze out a huge hunk of what looks like a raw steak. Gooey and squisy when we already have the baby? Enough of the circus side show, let's stop passing things out of my body already, okay?
6. My nipples after nursing - For those of you who haven't breastfed, here's the deal: for a baby to have what's called a 'successful latch,' your nipple should essentially be at the back of their throat. You do the math. Things are now stretched MUCH longer than they used to be.
7. Umbilical cord stump - Some people have talked about saving this little piece of memorbilia? No, thanks. First you have to wash around it, then (in our case, anyway) it gets snagged somewhere along the way anyhow. What this results in is the inside of everything the poor baby wears having little blood spots. And a lot of guilt on mommy's part for not protecting them from this.
8. Spit up - How much explanation does this really need? From what I've heard, we didn't have as much of this as some others have dealt with, but it's still not pleasant, and it is nearly guaranteed to happen when it would be the LEAST convenient (if getting partially digested milk tossed back at you is ever convenient).
9. Poopy diapers - I'm so used to these now, they're barely even gross. Our doula told us we were lucky that Maggie was breastfed - she said formula diapers are wayyy grosser. All babies start out with the gooey mustard poop, then it gets thicker over time and as their diet changes. Poop is poop, right?
10. Boogers - Personally, boogers bother me more than poop. You know (generally) when you're about to encounter poop, but boogers just sort of sneak up. An adorable baby comes crawling toward you, then, BAM - there are boogers right there, and you've got to try to extract them, which usually brings about baby screams in a hurry.
11. Poopy blow-outs - Here it is - that occasion when you're not expecting the poop, and you get it anyway. Like a couple weekends ago in the car seat. Boy, wasn't that fun?
12. Baby food - I really, really don't like baby food. First there's the fruits. I don't even like regular apple sauce. The texture just grosses me out. I can appreciate, based on smell, that baby fruit is the most palatable baby food. The jarred meat? Completely vile, even just to catch a whiff of as you open the jar. I'm already done feeding it to Maggie. It was just too yucky. She has bits of what we're having, and lots of refried beans for protein.
13. Baby food in baby's hair - All things considered, this isn't very gross, but it does necessitate a trip straight to the bathtub, so I figure it can make the list. There is no way to get baby food out of her hair short of a full immersion of her head in water.
All that being said, I can't wait to do it all again, and see what new, even gross adventures Maggie has in store for us down the road!