29 May 2020

Friday Feelings

Whoa. All the feelings lately. Am I right?

There's nothing to make you question everything like sitting and spending too much time with yourself. Which, even with a house full of family, is exactly what happens during a pandemic, apparently.

Defeated and Exhausted

Sorry - this one is always at the top of the list. I read that a parent tried to correct this one for a kid to be 'deflated.' Meh. Whatever. Sounds the same to me.
Every day is so much of the same. I have had to work a few days, and I do grocery shopping and checking the post office for packages every week or two, but each day is still mostly the same. Sleep until I wake up. Read. Laundry. Play Animal Crossing. Clean the kitchen. Remind kids about school work. Make dinner. Climb back into bed and read til I fall back asleep. Ugh. Feeling like I have little control over options of what to do with my time is draining. 


Yeah - rage and fury definitely cross my radar regularly too. I think a lot of people are reaching their wit's end. They're mad, and then they do things that I think are stupid, and then I'm mad. Or the other way around - maybe I'm doing things other people think are stupid too, no doubt. Everyone is being influenced by a struggle, a battle, with an enemy we can't put our hands on. 
The virus, obviously. 
And now racism -- the murder of George Floyd and the following protests and violence, and back to point one, the systemic racism that has caused more minorities to suffer and die as a result of the virus. Ugh. Yes, I recognize my white privilege. I can stay home. I can social distance. I don't have to go out and work continually to keep a roof over my head and food on my table. 
Rage. And nothing to do with it.

Purposeful, sometimes

Sometimes I come around with a burst of energy. I've got so much uncommitted time! I can read and review more books than ever! I'm playing the flute again! 
Until I realize that the defeat intrudes again. So when that purposeful burst comes, I need to hustle to get something done before it ebbs again.

Tired. And sleepless.

Yeah, that seems fair. Hahaha... Like I said in my whole day summary, after I eat dinner, I can climb back into bed and read and sleep. I don't know if it's just my age or the extra stress, but I only get one chance to really fall into a deep sleep. So if something wakes me up before morning (someone else coming to bed, yelling at the kids, a storm), I'm probably up for a while. Honestly I'm grateful that I don't regularly deal with insomnia, as I read about on lots of other Facebook timelines. 


Not all feelings are bad. Not even bad feelings are all bad. Sometimes I sit still and recognize the luxury I have - to sit still, watch the birds, feel the sun on my skin, play video games with the kids. I really do try to take this time to know my little people, especially. And hubs and I have had a couple fun dinners where we reminisce about days gone by, and the kids learn about us as people, and not just mom and dad. 

How are your feelings? I saw an article on Facebook talking about somewhere (Detroit is closest, so maybe that was it) opening a new mental health urgent care. This is hard on a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, and there is no right or wrong way to handle it. 

I wonder where I'll get the energy to carry on all the stuff we did regularly before, but I can take comfort in knowing I won't have to do all that anytime soon.


Liz Parker said...

I am always tired it seems! No matter how much sleep I get. I think I read recently that Wayne State is offering free mental health therapy visits.

Doc Hajirah M said...

Whoa you write about feelings I love to write about them.
Here is my new poem based on my own feelings
You will like it šŸ˜Š