09 June 2003

So now I'm...well...gleefully furious? Bitterly thrilled? How bout ambivalent?

A certain someone that I hate to love is on his way. Not just to see me, of course, but on his way to be at a job in my area tomorrow. So I get excited. Then I get really mad at myself for letting him stop by every once in a while and getting excited about it. But if nothing else makes me so happy, should I just take what I can get? Maybe this is all I deserve.

I haven't seen him in six months or so. He has been by for that job, but hasn't stopped by to see me. And I keep settling for whatever crumbs I get from him. But if I don't take the crumbs, I'll really have nothing.

Do I hate him for it? Of course not. He's never promised anything. The only one who's being stupid is me. So I'm the one to hate. And I do.

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